shattered pieces mirrored in your eyes
by Cookies and Ink
Summary: After Harry has a panic attack and flashbacks, his new flatmate Ron has to decide just what to do and how to help the man he'd been living with, crushing on and yet barely knows. University!AU, Muggle!AU.


**A/N:** This was written primarily for Day 4 of the Meet Cute Marathon on Hogwarts. A huge thank you to my wonderful beta Laura and everyone else in the squad that helped. All prompts and challenges are listed at the bottom so as not to give anything away.

Word Count: 2, 050

* * *

 **shattered pieces mirrored in your eyes**

"It wasn't supposed to be like this."

Harry had barely moved since he woke up, a headache blinding him. He couldn't even bring himself to text Hermione. What would he say? She was on holiday and the last thing he wanted to be was a burden.

So he curled up in bed and took too many painkillers but it wasn't working.

"It wasn't supposed to be like this," he repeated, whispering to himself as his hands went to his hair. "It was supposed to better. He's gone. You were supposed to be getting better, you pathetic piece of shit."

Harry couldn't bring himself to even say _his_ name but today was a black day. Everything had seemed to remind him of those years where Harry's life had been so wrapped up in fear, confusion and those blissful moments where he'd felt needed. Today every memory had him feeling as though he were balancing on a knife edge, the world's most dangerous tightrope walker.

He heard Ron come in, talking loudly. Harry guessed it was on his phone. When he'd ran away from - no, no he couldn't say the name - he hadn't had enough money to even consider being picky about where to live. As far as a flatmate however, Ron was surprisingly good. He was a bit messy and seemed to constantly be cooking but the food was good when Harry had tried it a few times, Ron insisting, and Harry was happy to clean anyway.

He was in his Second Year at the local University, studying Drama. Harry could see why; he had a loud voice and tended to gesticulate. Plus he seemed to have a lot of stories and what, to Harry sounded, like a crazy family who had to call or FaceTime constantly.

"I didn't say it was a bad idea, I just said it was illegal." Harry frowned in some bemusement, torn between the panic of having to move and not wanting Ron to accuse him of being a lazy bastard. "Yes alright Seamus. Yes, yes you wanker we'll definitely do it again, just not when it's fucking chucking it down."

Harry knew of Seamus. He was Irish and in a band, studying chemistry. He and Ron had been flatmates in first year and both were fond of drinking beer and playing football on the University team. He was pretty sure that Seamus thought he was weird.

He hadn't even realised it was raining but all he could hear was the storm outside. All of a sudden the darkness in his room felt confining, his blankets too tight. The rain outside made him shiver and he forced himself up and onto his feet, blinking away the stars which sparked from the headrush.

Hermione would be proud of him if he went to say hello. Maybe he would even find the energy to eat. He could fight the demons, the memory. He would treat it like an experiment, Harry decided. How long could he act normal for? Could he even have a bath and follow that list of self - care ideas Hermione had left him? How far could he push himself before he gave up and shattered? It felt inevitable now.

 _Don't think like that._

Ron's voice was getting louder as Harry forced himself to open his bedroom door, running a hand through his hair. He definitely needed a bath; after days without even a shower he didn't dare look in a mirror to check his hair.

"Do you really think I would falsify my work? Just because I got more reactions than you and it's on tape. Oh, bugger off. Yeah, I'll talk to you soon, mate," Ron laughed and it made Harry smile hesitantly. He had a brilliant laugh.

He was almost in the open plan living room/kitchen now. The first phase of the experiment was almost complete.

"Wicked, bye Seamus."

Taking a deep breath Harry told himself not to be a freak and walked forward.

"Hey Ron, how's it going?"

The world disappeared. Harry wanted to scream but the sound was trapped in his body. He felt himself fall back, stumbling. There was a creature, a zombie in the kitchen. Slime was dripping down it's face, the eyes yellow and Harry could see maggots coming out a wound. Abruptly he felt his knees give out and Harry was back.

' _But I am the one you're promised to, Harry. You are the promised one.'_

 _He begged for Tom to stop, was willing to say anything for it to just stop but Tom merely laughed._

' _You enjoy this really, I know you do.'_

 _The movie played in the background, people screaming as waves of the undead flooded through the streets. It was his recent obsession; Tom loved gorey horrors even when Harry and he had first started dating but now zombies and the end of the world, the idea of death was something he was obsessed with._

"Harry? Harry mate, it's okay. Shit, are you okay? I'm going to call an ambulance, okay?"

The voice came through to him, watery and he curled up.

"No. No it's… it's… call Hermione, on my phone. Call Hermione," he gasped, barely able to breathe. Trying to talk to Ron was a losing battle. The memories kept overwhelming him and Harry could only see Tom, could only feel how the blood had tasted in his mouth as he'd given up and begged for it all to end.

* * *

Ron had always been good under pressure. Sure, he could be dramatic but he knew how to stay calm and do the right thing. So when Harry's face turned ashen at the sight of him, he was already moving to the guy, sure his flatmate was going to faint.

For a split second, the thought made him want to laugh.

The drama department had organised a zombie crawl mainly as a way to give the ones interested in prosthetics and makeup as a way to have some fun. Unfortunately after the first student bar the heavens had opened, clearly in an effort to deprive all of them the opportunity to get pissed looking like extras in a B - Rated horror.

Very quickly Ron realised that Harry wasn't just shocked and scared. He'd been quiet, painfully shy and a bit of a clean freak but they'd gotten on pretty well. Only yesterday he'd been telling Dean and Seamus how much he fancied his flatmate and it was getting a bit of a nightmare because each time he'd offered to cook for him, Harry had blushed and said that he didn't need to go to the effort. Ron had been wondering how to ask him out and now, Harry looked like he needed A & E.

Hermione was a name he knew. It was the only person Harry talked about regularly, someone he'd grown up with. Ron had assumed it was his sister until Harry had told him he was an orphan and only child, so then Ron had assumed she was his girlfriend. The cute ones always did seem to be straight. Harry had looked so baffled when Ron had asked him how his girlfriend was, his green eyes wide behind scratched glasses that Ron had decided he was still in with a chance.

He called her, deciding that if she didn't answer he was still going to call an ambulance. Harry's phone didn't have a passcode lock which was a stroke of luck and Hermione answered on the second ring.

"Hello, Harry?"

"Actually it's Ron, Ron Weasley. I'm his flatmate. Look, Harry's having some sort of episode. I think I did something, I don't know but I'm really worried about him and he won't let me call an ambulance."

"Shit. Is he talking to anyone? Anyone that… isn't there?" Hermione asked slowly and Ron's eyebrows shot up.

"Yeah, actually," Ron admitted after a moment. "He just said 'You can't hide forever."

Hermione spoke so quickly Ron had to ask her to repeat twice, regretting it each time. The explanation she gave for Harry's behaviour made him feel sick. Harry had had a boyfriend Tom, for years. Someone he'd known since he was practically in diapers. Apparently this bastard had abused Harry; Hermione hadn't gone into detail and Ron didn't ask. The man shaking in a ball in front of him said enough.

As to why Harry had been triggered by Ron, Hermione had called it conditioning. Ron didn't really get it, she'd gone off into some psychology mumbo-jumbo but what he did understand was that when Harry saw things out horror movies that his ex had loved, Harry thought of his ex which sent him into a spiral. That was all he needed to know.

"Hey Harry. You're with Ron, me, and you're safe. It was just make up, some stupid Uni thing," Ron said softly. He kept repeating himself even as he peeled the prosthetics off, Hermione on speakerphone trying to coax Harry into breathing slowly. Ron felt something like a shapeshifter, changing his skin from the diseased decaying one he'd been wearing all day to his normal, freckled, undoubtedly flushed face.

It took almost an hour and even then Harry looked dreadful. Ron had moved them to the sofa, Hermione still on the phone and made tea.

"Yours is the one with the spoon in Harry, since you don't take sugar."

He set them down and sat next to Harry, so they were close enough that Ron could feel Harry trembling.

"I'm sorry."

"Honestly, it's fine mate." Ron had said it repeatedly and Harry clearly hadn't believed him.

"Can I hear rain outside?" Hermione asked, clearly trying to steer the conversation away. "Rain is the one thing British people do better than anyone else."

"Just because you're in Australia," Harry muttered, his hands wrapped around the hot mug which was steaming up his glasses. Ron glanced across, dying to take them and clean them on his t-shirt.

When he went to bed later, after Harry had said his goodbyes to Hermione and awkwardly stammered another apology before slipping back into his room, that was what Ron kept thinking of. Steamed up glasses and how broken Harry had been.

* * *

Hermione text him sixteen times.

Harry read them all, text back 'I'm fine.' and made himself go to brush his teeth. Ron was reading the paper, a hint of stubble across his jaw that Harry was momentarily distracted by. Well, the stubble and the fact that Ron was very casual when it came to wearing only sweatpants or boxers. Clearly playing football was doing the trick because the redhead had a body to die for.

 _Focus Potter._

"Look, Ron," he cleared his throat and rocked on the balls of his feet. "I'll move out by the end of the week and -"

"You fucking what?" Ron yelped, dropping the paper down, a look of horror on his face. "Why?"

Harry blinked in shock and swallowed.

"Well, last night… the PTSD and anxiety and stuff. You shouldn't have ever had to deal with that and I know I'm a handful and a bit of a freak and -"

"I don't know who the fuck told you that Harry but you are not," Ron said fiercely, sliding off the barstool and coming over to Harry, putting his hands on Harry's shoulders. "I was happy to help last night and I'll help any night after. We're mates, hell I was going to ask if you wanted to go for coffee. You're not going to be convince me to leave your side for a while yet."

What Ron said sunk in slowly. Harry watched as he himself realised, blue eyes widening and his ears going red.

"I mean… if you want. But no pressure, I mean, also happy to just be mates and,"

Harry put a finger up to stop Ron babbling, for once feeling in control of the situation.

"I'd love too. I actually would but I'm pretty fucked up though, so if you change your mind, that's fine."

"I won't." Ron's voice was muffled from Harry's finger on it and Ron kissed it lightly, making Harry smile shyly. "Want a cup of tea? Don't give me that look, Mum says it basically solves everything."

Harry nodded.

"Tea would be lovely, thanks."

* * *

 **A/N:** Prompts used and Challenges entered are listed below

Assignment #3 - Psychology: 'Write about someone learning a new behaviour/reaction to stimuli because they have learned to associate it with something else'

Day #4 - Meet Cute Marathon: 'I was unaware that there was an organised zombie crawl going on and I didn't realise you were in a costume. I screamed in your face because I truly thought I was facing a zombie invasion.'

The Insane House Challenge: AU - Flatmates

The 365 Prompts Challenge: 133. First Line - "It wasn't supposed to be like this."

The Fanfiction Resolutions Challenge: 33. Write something hurt/comfort

Scavenger Hunt: Write your OTP

Library Loves: Fangirl - Rainbow Rowell (University!AU, mental health (plot point), giving up (plot point), feature a slash pairing (restriction))

Gobstones Club: Silver Stone - Death (Accuracy: scared (emotion), Power: memory (word), Technique: Deprive)

Serpent Day: African twig snake - (dialogue) "I didn't say it was a bad idea, just that it's illegal."

Character Appreciation: (Object) Glasses

Disney Challenge: The Genie - Write about someone feeling trapped

Book Club: Randall Flagg: (character) Voldemort, (word) dark, (ability) shapeshifting, (dialogue) But I'm the one you belong to, [Name]. You are the promised one."

Showtime: Finale - (word) Wicked

Days of the Month: Umbrella Day - Write a fic set during a rainstorm

Count Your Buttons: Days Go By - The Offspring (song), spoon (object), "You can't hide forever" (dialogue), bath (word)

Lyric Alley: 'I feel my demons'

TV Show of the Month: Dr. Jack Hodgins: (dialogue) "Do you really think that I would falsify my work?", (item) slime, (action) doing an experiment of any kind

Liza's Loves: Dark 'N' Stormy - Write about a storm

Jenny's Jovial Quotes: "Rain is one thing the British do better than anybody else." - Marilyn French

Conversation Starter Prompt Challenge: 21. How did you help someone today? Write about a character either being helpful or unhelpful.


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